they wouldn't believe me anyway

The other day I was walking out of my church and a woman asked me my name.

When I told her, she said, "I remember the talk you gave."

She is referring to two years ago when I was asked/allowed to address our congregation about my personal experience with homosexuals.

And while I don't consider this a "subject" I could ever be an "expert" in, my story seems to be one which interests people when they are struggling with their own story.

This woman proceeds to tell me that she has always wanted to talk to me about a member of her family. This particular person in question is an adolescent, and this woman was worried about her.

"She really hates the color pink." This woman tells me emphatically. Then she stopped, as if waiting for me to diagnose this unseen third party with my conclusions.

"Okay..." I responded and waited for her to continue.

"Well, she just really hates girly stuff, and I don't like to foster that."

Hmmm.

Hmmm?

What am I suppose to say to this? I mean, it seems pretty obvious to me that having an aversion to a color doesn't result in preferring sexual relations with someone of your own physical gender, but then hey... maybe I'm more progressive than most. I don't like to make assumptions about what's obvious and what isn't.

"Well, I was sort of a tomboy when I was younger. I preferred blue over pink. I'm not expert in determining any one's sexual orientation, but I don't think that what you are telling me indicates whether or not this person is gay."

I was cordial. I mean, this person is telling me something here, albeit not the entire story from what I could gather, that is troubling her. And after hearing what I had to say about my life and this subject, she still came to me with her questions. I wasn't going to cut her off just because she was concerned.

"Well, I just don't like to foster that. I won't call her a tomboy."

And see... here is where I get frustrated. Not indignant, not angry, not self-righteous... but frustrated.

I will be the first to say that I don't "get" a lot of things. I don't "get" how to explain to people why in a world of unbelief that I believe in God, Jesus, the whole sha-bang. I don't "get" how to people can look at this world and conclude that there is no God. I don't "get" how people who do believe in God, in the life and teachings of Jesus, can be responsible for so much of the hatred and violence in the history of the world.

There are a million more things I don't "get."

But there is one thing I think I do.

Whether or not said adolescent is, in fact, a lesbian... refusing to call her a tomboy isn't going to change that. What is going to change her life - not her sexual orientation, but the quality of her life - is how people who love her, treat her.

I do not have all the answers about what makes someone gay.

But I do have the answer to how we are to treat all people, and that is with love.

And love looks different in different situations... but I'm not sure it ever looks like the refusal of accepting someone because of who they are. No matter what they are.

That certainly isn't the way I interpreted God's love for me.

There are things about me way more heinous than my sexual orientation for God to be appalled about. But he isn't. And he loves me despite all he knows.

And he doesn't pretend I'm not what I am. Nor does he encourage me to do that.

When I think about this women's perspective, I don't think that she's alone. I can attest that there are many in my own faith who feel almost superstitious about jinxing their children or grandchildren or nieces or nephews into being gay. And for a lot of people, it's because they just don't have the experience with the subject that they would need to in order to form an more informed belief.

But, I think that that statement is true for way more than just Christians and homosexuality. I think it is true about all people and Christianity.

No, strike that.

Because a lot of people experience Christianity through Christians who ruin them for life based upon completely un-Christian-like behaviors.

I think it's true about all people and Jesus.

He is left unexperienced.

So this woman asking me about the color pink is just a scratch on the surface of stuff which has been bugging me.

Life isn't about pink or blue.

And it's definitely not black and white.

And while I wish I had some sort of profound conclusion to end with... even for my own sake... I just don't.

Sigh.