babble on

There have been only a handful of times in my life where I have felt the Holy Spirit.

I don't even know if that makes sense to any of you... or me actually. But, having felt what I have felt, and having the vocabulary that I have... that's the only way I know to describe the happening that sometimes takes place when I am in prayer.

Yesterday, sharing a devotion with one of the staff, that is what happened.

I felt completely filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit. And, like every other time in my life when this is happpened, a huge part of me panics.

It is so overwhelming. I can't tell if I'm going to float, going to fly, going to melt, or going to disappear... but I feel like something is trying to happen.

And I just don't let it.

I've never invited this to happen successfully. There isn't a trend to my prayers which evokes it. It's not something I have control over happening or not happening. It's up to God.

And yesterday, as I was praying... I felt so strongly that God was trying to pull something out of my mouth. Physically. I felt as though I were on the verge of speaking something that I had no idea meant. I felt like I didn't have control over my own mouth... but that God did.

But I didn't surrender to it.

I have never spoken in tongues. I have heard it once, and I totally believe that it's a legitimate form of worship and is from God.

I just never believed it was something I would do. Or could do. Or that God would choose to do through me.

Oh, me of little faith.

And so, whatever message was supposed to come out yesterday, I didn't allow it to.

This was awesome and terrifying at the same time.

And PS- I'm not crazy. But I guess that doesn't matter either because some people will crucify me for saying this anyway.