I'm rereading Crazy Love and I'm finding it extremely challenging. And frustrating. Mostly frustrating. Probably because I get stuck in the conviction part of it all and become paralyzed in the action step.

And now I have an even bigger responsibility with this action.

It's a strange thing when your baby becomes a person. One who asks you and trusts you to teach her...

It's really hard to teach when I don't have the answers myself. And if I'm being honest, I don't have the trust either.

I feel so often that my identity is in my fear rather than my faith. And that's not the legacy I want to leave.

I suppose my discomfort means that there is still hope for my transformation.

Last night I prayed for a long time. It was a stream-of-conscious prayer, one where I didn't plan any of it out. I ended up praying about something that happened around my wedding almost five years ago. I was harboring a lot of anger towards someone which I didn't even realize was still there. I started thinking about something this person had done, and I could feel my temper start to boil. As it happened, I prayed for God to take the burden of that anger away from me.

I suddenly felt washed over, and in an instant - I felt totally pure. All the anger was gone. I tried to think the same thoughts again which moments before and brought forth pain and unhappiness... and there was nothing there but relief.

I didn't even know I still had all that junk in me that needed removal. But I'm so thankful to have been able to let it go.

I hope this is step in the right direction.